Survivor
by shxkespearianblondie
Summary: Post JW : In which Owen decides to protect Claire and hides how he handles the aftermath. But one day he just loses it. (inspired by a quote about surviving seen on tumblr)


**Fandom :** Jurassic World **  
Ship :** Owen Grady x Claire Dearing  
 **Rated :** T  
 **Chapter :** 1/1  
 **Summary :** In which Owen decides to protect Claire and hides how he handles the aftermath. But one day he just loses it. **A/N :** Back with another Clawen one-shot ! I was inspired by a quote I saw on tumblr about being a survivor (you can find it at the beginning) and i wrote this ! I hope you will like it. A HUGE thanks to my awesome Beta Reader, Anouk, whose kindness and sharp eyes have helped so much. You're the best, I love you.  
 **Disclaimer :** The characters mentionned don't belong to me, I am not making any profit by posting this on the internet.

* * *

I hate when people say **"survivor".**

Because **"Survivor"** means that you made it out

 _ **And I dont think all of me did**_ _._

 ***.***

It's been two months since they left Isla Nubar, with nothing but nightmares and their faces all over the newspapers front pages and the internet. The kiss, especially, has made them quite famous. Owen still can't understand how some people thought taking a picture of strangers kissing while being attacked by dinosaurs would be a good idea. He has never been very good at grasping people's motivations – _he deals much better with the animals or the dinosaurs; they are not as twisted as humans can be_.

Two months and Claire still can't sleep. She wakes up every night, screaming, covered in sweat and tears. She knows how to handle a lot of things but this… **She can't**. So Owen takes her in his arms, he gently strokes her hair and he promises her everything is going be easier tomorrow. He makes sure she goes back to sleep and in the morning, he still holds her against his heart. He helps her with the chores, maintains the garden of the house she's renting until they decide what they do next. He decides to be in charge of the food, because he knows she could forget about eating and the last thing she needs is to lose weight. She already looks so fragile, with her green eyes always shining, like she is on the verge of crying.

She often cries, when nobody can see her, except Owen or Karen and her boys. She doesn't let the outside world learn that the woman who outran a T-Rex in high heels is nothing but a scared little girl. She hides, she buries her pain inside her chest and she tries to pretend that she can handle that. But she just can't. She is consumed by guilt and regrets and remorse, every time someone talk to her about Jurassic World she sees it. She sees the people being killed, the families being eaten, the soldiers' lives switching off on the control room board. She remembers how it was her fault, how she couldn't do the right thing because she thought she was so superior to those assets. But they are no assets, they are dangerous living beings and they killed because of her.

Owen is the only one who knows the exact extent of Jurassic World on her. With him, she doesn't have to pretend, he is an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. He spends most of their time together comforting her, repeating over and over that she is not the guilty one, that Wu, Masrani, Vic and even himself were also a part of the catastrophe. He is not afraid of taking more than his share of responsibility, if it makes her feel better. And it does, for a few hours, but the memories come back, they always do. And he has to do it all over again.

His shell doesn't break, it doesn't even crack. He knows how to keep it, the Navy was a pretty good training for this kind of situation. After Afghanistan, he couldn't sleep either and that's maybe why he accepted a job at Jurassic World without even thinking twice. He needed to forget, to drown the pain into a new job, a new place. And his girls helped him to get better, taking care of them was his therapy. But now the raptors are gone, and he has to take care of Claire while he barely knows how to take care of himself when he's ill. But Owen proves to be surprisingly good at this. Maybe it's because it reminds him of the raptors' early days, when they were tiny creatures who looked at him with sparkling dark eyes and that he discovered how much joy such small things could provide him. Maybe it's because it doesn't give him the time to think.

But he can't escape his thoughts. When Claire leaves for the office – _how can she still work at Masrani after what happened ? How can she still manage to smile at the investors who made the Indominus-Rex possible ?_ – he is alone with himself. The house is silent but the screams in his head are not. Owen can't make them shut up, he can't forget the smell of blood, and terror, and gasoline and the face of that man who looked at him knowing he was going to die in a few seconds and Charlie's scream before she died and…

 _Stop_. He tells himself. _Stop it_.

He tries to control it, he runs, he listens to music, he watches TV.

But he can't go out of the house without being recognized.

And music reminds him of Echo's little nod when he would broadcast music in the paddock.

TV is the worst. Jurassic World is everywhere, he hears his name at least once a day and he sees his face, again and again. His face covered in dirt and Claire by his side, so scared, so fragile.

She doesn't know. She can't know. He can't protect her from her own pain but he can't hide his from her. She doesn't need to see, she's already has trouble managing what's going on inside her brain. So Owen decides to do what's right, for Claire's sake.

But some days, it's harder than others. And today is one of them. Owen agreed to do an interview on TV, because Claire asked him to do so. She didn't really ask, she suggested it. But Owen can see in her now – _well most of the time his guesses on her thoughts are close to the truth_ – and he sees that she is tired ; she can't answer the same questions again. So he smiles, kisses her on the forehead and tells her he will go. He goes.

The journalist is nice, he is not trying to manipulate Owen, he is not trying to accuse him. In fact, he is rather impressed of the way the raptor trainer handled it. Owen can't help but remind him how it was Claire's idea to bring the T-Rex and how she spend the entire day running in heels – although some people don't believe him because they think it is impossible to do so. He can't resist the need to defend her, even when she's not here. But he hopes she's watching, he hopes she watches him telling the whole world how amazing Claire Dearing is. Because she is.

The interview is coming to its end and after Owen finishes telling how he covered himself in oil to prevent the I-Rex to smell him, the interviewer simply says :

"Wow. You're really a survivor, aren't you ?"

And that's when Owen loses it. Suddenly the whole world is moving around him and fortunately the interview is over so he can run to the bathroom and give back his lunch and breakfast. He feels feverish, his hands are shaking and his vision is blurry. No, Owen is not a survivor.

Because **"Survivor"** means that you made it out. _And Owen now realizes only a part of him did._

He takes a taxi to go back to Claire's flat – _and his own, kind of_ – because he is not sure he is able to drive. He manages to get out of the cab and to get into the building, and it's only when he is in the flat that he surrenders. He lets the memories of the island crashing in his brain like the waves against Isla Nubar's coast that used to wake him at night, before they became a part of his world. Except this time, it's a fucking tsunami. It's mostly flashes, faces, sounds, feelings. Like his senses are on the island again, like he is trapped inside his own mind. Moving seems impossible, breathing is painful and Owen finds himself lying on the ground. It's only when he feels the tears rolling down his cheeks that he realizes that he is crying.

So he lets go.

He didn't survive Isla Nubar. He came back alive, that's all. But he can see them, the people dying, the children crying. It was like going back to war, except this time he felt more powerless than ever. The burn in his chest is unbearable. Owen doesn't know how to cope with it, he never really did. At best, he found distractions to forget about it. But nothing can distract him anymore, because his brain just fucking can't forget.

 _He is on the island, there is a pterosaur above him, trying to kill him. He fights, he fights as much as he can but the damn animal is strong and he is tired and his arms are sore and maybe he would be easier to just give up and hope for a quick death._

Lying on the cold floor, he hopes for a quick death again. Everything would be better than that. He screams.

"Go ahead ! Kill me !"

He doesn't care anymore. That's when he hears it : the sound of her heels on the floor. And in a second she's here, she's beside him, and she's screaming too.

"Owen !"

He recognizes her scented lotion, the smell of flowers with a hint of spices, that is so like her : sweet but strong, delicate but powerful.

"Oh my god Owen."

She's crying too, he can feel it in her voice. She takes his face in her hands and force him to look at her. She's so beautiful. Why is she always so beautiful ? She lifts him a little bit, just enough so that his head is now resting on her knees. She's sitting on the floor, weeping and looking at him.

"I came as fast as I could. Oh Owen…"

When her fingertips brush against his skin, he can't help but shiver. There is so much more in this touch, something that she won't say, that she might be afraid to phrase. She presses her forehead against his and she whispers :

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Owen this is all my fault I'm sorry I've been so selfish and you…"

She can't finish her sentence. He'd like to take her in his arms, to comfort her but he can't. He can't do that anymore.

"I'm tired."

That's all he manages to say. But Claire doesn't need much more.

"I know. Let's get to bed."

She helps him get on his feet – _his legs can't stop shaking_ – and she half-carries him until he crashes on the bed they share. Claire removes his shoes and jacket

"We don't want you messing up the clean sheets."

She tries to joke but her voice is still quavering. Owen slowly raises his head from the mattress and he notices that her shoulders are also trembling. But when she turns to face him, she smiles as if nothing happened.

"I think we both deserved some rest."

She also takes off her own shoes and her coat before lying down next to him. She wraps her arms around him and somehow, Owen feels protected. He feels like he's safe, like she's going to take care of him. He'd like to thank her, to say something, just a word but he's tired, so tired. He is already half asleep and he doesn't even sees the sparkle in her eyes, the way she looks at him like he is the most important thing in the world. He simply drift into Morpheus's arms, hoping for nothing but silence.

*.*

 _She's running, why is she running with that flame in her hand ? And then he sees it, emerging from the darkness, and he understands the look of terror in her eyes. The T-Rex. She is running but she is not running fast enough and the dinosaurs is catching up with her and she is so small and she is close, too close and the T-Rex is opening her maw and why is she leaning towards the ground like that…._

He wakes up in the middle of the night, screaming her name.

"Claire!"

 _She's dead. She's dead._

"Owen !"

And suddenly she's not, her body is against his, her hands are on his cheeks, their gaze meet and Owen cries.

"You were dead. She killed you. You were dead."

She holds him against her chest and she presses her nose on his hair.

"I'm not dead Owen. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."  
"Please don't."

His voice breaks and his body is writhing because of the tears ; he thought he had lost her, he thought he'd never get to see her again.

"This is not real, Owen."

Claire kisses his head, her entire body trying to comfort him. From her toes to her eyes, everything acts for only one purpose : him.

"It's only nightmares, only bad dreams…" Another kiss "I'm here, I'm alive. We're alive."

Owen doesn't know how she does it, if she can secretes hormones that calm him, if it's the sound of her voice that helps him clutch to reality or if it's just the fact that she's here, in the same bed as him and that she's here for him. But it works. Claire knows to find the right words, she knows how to appease him. He breathes again. And when he goes back to sleep, there are no flashes waiting for him.

*.*

When he wakes up in the morning, she's still there, their bodies intertwined like lovers after a passionate night. He remembers the kiss shared on the island and when he looks at her sleeping, her mouth slightly open, he has to fight the urge of pressing his lips against hers. He realizes he is as much holding her as she is and that it is a pretty good picture of their relationship ; they both need each other. _For survival_.

Claire wakes up soon after him, her lashes fluttering before she actually opens her eyes. When she looks at him, Owen fears he is going to melt : there is so much tenderness in this look and maybe something more that he doesn't dare to dream of.

"Hey." She just says.  
"Hey." He just answers.  
"Sleep well ?"

He just nods and she gives a faint smile. They stay quiet for a few minutes before Claire breaks the silence.

"You should have told me."

Her tone is a blend of blame, softness, fear and… _anger_ ? But she's not angry at him, she's angry at herself.

"I know I should have seen it. God I'm so stupid !" She looks down for half a second, "But you **should** have told me !"  
"I didn't want you to worry about me."  
"Oh my… Owen !" This time her eyes look up, "I can't believe it… You really need to be less selfless sometimes."

He shrugs.

"It's just that I… You already had to deal with so much, I didn't think it would be a good idea to…"  
"To let me know that my boyfriend is not the superhero the medias are portraying him ?"

 _Boyfriend ?_

"Owen you can't be perfect." She sighs, "You can't take care of me when I'm down and refuse that I even see you losing it… It's OK, it's normal. We can't go back to who we were before… Before what happened. We have to accept that…"  
"But you are already so frail I was afraid you couldn't take it !" This time he can't help but answer, "I mean look at you Claire ! You can't sleep without having nightmares, you told me yourself that you lock yourself in the toilets to cry at least twice a day, sometimes it feels like you're going to lose it !"

They both stay quiet after this last sentence, Owen fears he might have gone too far. But Claire just look at him with a smirk :

"So you're telling that a woman who outran a T-Rex in high heels is too fragile to handle your problems ?"

He looks at her with nothing but admiration in his eyes and he blames himself for forgetting that she is more, much more, that what he sees in her. For forgetting how strong she can be.

"I'm sorry babe." They both chuckles  
"Though I have to admit that I might… Be still affected by what happens on that Island" She swallows, forbidding the images to come back now "I refuse to let you face it alone. Owen, when you said we'd stick together, I don't think it meant just living together. It meant that we would take care of each other, no matter how we feel ourselves."

 _God, how he loves this woman right now_

"It doesn't matter that I am not the most sane person in this city right now, what matters is that you need me. And I'm here for you, whether you like it or not. I don't intend to leave you, Owen Grady. I fully intend to stay."  
"Please, never leave."

That's all he can say before the feeling is too strong and that his mouth crashes against hers. His hands find her waist, her fingers bury themselves into his hair. It feels quite like their island kiss, the same fever, the same need of making sure they're alive, they're alive and they're together, the same desire of each other burning through their skins. But this time, there is something new and Owen can't put his finger on it, yet.

He is the one to break the kiss – _because he is fucking breathless_ – but he doesn't loosen his grasp. He just look at her, like he wants to memorize all her features, how her nose emerges from her face, the way the corners of her mouth lightly raise when she's smiling, the exact color of her eyes – _he thought they were green but there is a trace of grey also and maybe some blue under this light_ – and how beautiful she looks with her messy hair, that just makes him want to mess them even more. She does things to him, he never thought a woman could have that much effect on him.

But she does, and when Claire strokes his face and kisses his forehead again, he feels like the luckiest man on the planet.

"Remember" She tells him "We stay together. No matter what."  
"No matter what" he repeats."

She touches his face again, and he can sense that there is a sentence at the top of her lips, that she doesn't dare to say. So he kisses her, hoping that through this kiss he gives her enough confidence to speak.

"I don't want to survive with you Owen Grady" She whispers against his lips "I want to live with you."

 _He might just be in love with her_.


End file.
